No competition, no no!!

This is interesting and I am asked every time when I met or knew someone from home country. They said: have I lost my mother-tongue, have I forgotten how to write or speak, and have I given up the spirit of cultural society etc. What is your identity in terms of language, appear and behaviours. I am annoying being labelled, and I dislike to listen to none meaningful suggestions; why not allow me to be what I want to be and no more manipulations.

To be born in a tradition family in the east isn’t too bad, whereas living in a modern west country may be worried, and there are ways to reach the balance. Isn’t that so – called challenge or adventure?? Why people would put their heads back into the shell just like a turtle did!? I suppose to learn the cultures between east and west would be perfectly wonderful, and why bother about language, how to be looked and behaviours?? It’s not a competition and is not a representative to the country you were from; it’s you, purely only you. 

One door is closed; the other is opened!!

Just like the comment sections online of every well – known newspaper in the world. People put their comments and stamp under every article to express their thoughts, or arguing between the readers or the author. All they do are communicating without to convert (I hope obviously) each other.

It all started from I joined one of public groups on FB (Facebook), it doesn’t say anything regardless joint policy, and I extremely feel the group is lack of equal right and is discrimination after I took part. My comments were investigated, I was investigated by the group members, and bizarrely I ended up to be told off by the creator because I am different compared to the group members as they don’t like the differences. I was stunt. I thought we all live at civilisation; surely I was wrong and expected the group was in a certain standard.   

Perhaps the creator doesn’t realise people are not the same value and are different when approached to the group; the users may have different principle and purpose when signed up too. To me, the benefits of creating a group are to see different comments from others’ perspective, and also entertaining the group as well as keeping them brainstorm.

Purely we all live in a “free speech” country, but for some, it just not works on them. Don’t ask me why, should ask these creators on FB instead.  

Old Wine & Friends Improve with Age

An old friend met in a far country is like rain after drought - Chinese proverb.

It's been at least eight years until recently reunion with a long lasting friend and have got back in contact. She has not changed much, is the same optimistic attitude as when I first met her. I was out of the mood, just like the Itallian proverb said: old friends are always new and the better.

Making friend is such dynamic proposal and event; I'd say it was meant to be when we met. It is interesting because if we were not colleague working together just before she left, as a result the outcome would not be the same and is different, which I call it "good timing", whereas I live abroad for a number of years, making new friend isn't difficult for me but knowing friends who are meaningful would be much harder to find no matter what country I am in. Somehow, I realise I rather have the quality friends than the quantity mates.

Share with you ~

The Past 3 Months...

I rarely discuss my childhood and in fact I have very little memory of what was about but my parent’s relationship. It’s been 8 weeks since mum passed away and I have overcome from it also have left the grief behind. Some people like to keep their feeling to themselves for various reasons because in this modern / fast world, neither their friends nor relatives have time to listen or to spend with. Thanks for networking that have created a huge access to an open world and also make a large amount of audiences to see, listen and say back.

In my memory, I only have vivid picture of my mum. She was a very serious person and from my understanding, she was hard to make a joke with and be pleased. I became independent also worked and studied in the mid-teen, I had less contacted with mum since I started to work. We just followed the flows and hardly ever had made efforts in order to maintain the relationship. An old Chinese said: parents are always right; however I don’t think so.

An English phrase also said: taste it and feel it when is in someone's shoes. The parents are always right phrase is not working on me and I disagree with it. I don’t understand and never will about why mum had not stepped out to try for these many years. I was in tears thinking of for the very simple acts and attitude such as: kisses and cuddles would be the hardest things for her to do.

I have learnt from the experiences and have realised “life is short”, do the most and make the life full of joys are better than living in the grief, because end of the day, who suffers the most isn’t mum but me and it is not worthy, so I let it go completely.

If and therefore ~

If there is one area in our lives where most of us struggle, it’s relationships. I read a news article which stated that Daughters aged 14 years old are the most difficult for parents to raise. Apart from studying, I actually can not remember what I was like when was 14 years age, however I do remember what my schoolmates did at the time, such as: smoking, dancing in the club, seeking b/g friend, and hanging out with a group of people or just reading. At the time, Internet wasn’t exciting like nowadays so therefore computer wasn’t a threat.

School life was very competitive in the old days and is still the same after these many years, but the flashpoints for girls have not changed, the list below shows items which were discussed in the article:

• Wanting to be independent
• Wanting to grow up too quickly
• Peer pressure
• Raging hormones
• Puberty
• Not having a sufficient allowance
• Thinking she is “too fat”
• Fitting in with friends
• Privacy
• Dabbling with alcohol & cigarette

These flashpoints make me think back about myself, look at the teens around me and wonder whether is a world wide situation, as it represents the attitudes of the teens on how annoying is and embarrassing this stage could be, with uncertain moods from time to time. I feel furious and question myself: how would I treat my own teen if I had one and that scares me.

Everything is become make sense, I did want to be left alone and felt independent; I did want to do what my parents did and dreamed of to being an adult; did not like to be stared at or under the spot light; I was unhappy with the chemical body change but wondered why schoolmates had b/g friend; moaned about less pocket money and thought I was too fat; did not fit in with friends on some occasions and wanted more privacy. How could the world change so much just because you are a teen, how terrifying for the teens themselves when cope with so many aspects in many circumstances.

Recently I had a chat with one of my girl friends, we discussed about teens’ attitudes and behaviors nowadays; we both agreed as being parents: the more controlling you are, the worse the relationship will be; caring without forcing is essential; respecting their point of views, accepting their rights and support their opinions. We also agreed it would be hard work for the majority parents not to ask the teens to do what they are told, but there you go – this is what parents do.

This is about, part 2...

It’s the year of Tiger, my neighbour bought me a small soft toy represented their feeling of Chinese New Year. I was delighted, not because the soft toy but was for their thoughtful idea, which has blown me away. I used not to celebrate in the New Year; just like Christmas and Santa Claus to others, some people rather have a quiet one than a busy party. I questioned myself, was it because the older I became, the less interest to be? I appreciated the efforts from them; it made me felt very cosy and warm-hearted.

My neighbour are pensioners and is a retired couple, living with few cats in the house and have a fish pound in the back garden. I sometimes go to their garden watching fishes, playing with cats and chatting with them.

Life couldn’t be better than after you retired… no rush hour traffics, no meetings, no deadlines, no annoying colleagues, no business hours and is completely free. Have a cuppa in somewhere, enjoy the atmosphere and stay as long as you like as there isn’t a break-time limited to be concerned.

Are you assertive!?

People can have either good or bad days, depending on what they see and how they feel. A typical day at work is putting your head down: then work is not special; seeing other people annoyed in front of your face that is extraordinary.

Most of the day I do routine tasks, but occasionally there’s a crisis or I have to meet a deadline. At certain times of the year I have a very heavy workload but at other times it can be quiet light. I am an easy going person but can’t stand people with bad manners as I think everyone should have basic interpersonal skills. For example: laughing out load in the office, a rude attitude and ignorance at work are most annoying. I don’t know what the worst thing would be from my colleagues; unfortunately I am able to choose the job I like but not the people I work with.

My workplace is not a call centre; however the majority of them work via the phones and get in contact with customers, providing advice and help as well as giving guidance. For me, it is a good thing to help others, but another thing to make others to do what you tell them to do. Such attitude does go around in the office, if you lack awareness and self-esteem then you will be working like a hard labourer; you are supposed to work hard of course, but not work to compensate for others’ laziness. Be assertive is recommended and will not end up doing something that you shouldn’t do.

This is about...

Many people understand friendship but when it comes to distance, it is far more difficult. It’s been several years since I moved aboard and I have met nice friends from work and locals with different personal histories. It is rare to meet people with the same background or culture near-by, whereas if I lived in the capital city of the country, it would be easy to spot a few. I am not living in the capital city or in the countryside but a suburban area. Everything to me is distance, from and to work, to shop or even just to go to cinema: driving is always necessary.

Nowadays, the best way to make friends seems to be to go online (no, not compare.com). I know some people who have the same cultural background from a forum which comments on a wide range of daily matters about living abroad. Somehow they are spread up and down the country, very distant from each other, but it has made me interested to visit the forum often. I like the idea of sharing the experiences with other members within the forum, also understanding how other people cope with life in a foreign country. I am also aware that there are gathering events happening, however the majority of them would take place in the city rather than in the suburban area; perhaps I miss out all the gossip but I definitely enjoy my peace and quiet.

Once upon a time, I thought I was independent enough to live aboard; eventually I found ways to balance myself between working and studying. Filling up my free time to socialise with others by doing volunteer work and helping out with the local community activities are ways to make my life more involved with others no matter where I am. Friends are important, and are even better when family are not around.

So what does "friend" mean to you? For me, a few life long friends would be far better than tons of friends, who are only suitable for having fun with (gossip, drinking or shopping etc). I look out for life long friends, it is already hard enough to find even in your country of birth; never mind now, in a foreign country. The interesting thing is: I have found it easier to be friends with locals than people from home. For instance:

• People are more independent here than from home
• People make efforts and feel more appreciation
• There are no "Should" or "Should Not", only do it when you think it is right and necessary.
• People make decisions based on personal need rather than for others happiness.
• Speak up and stand out.
• People let things go more easily and happy to accept other opinions.
• There is less worry: when something crops up then it is fixed.
  

These are personal experiences, it doesn’t mean everyone has the same thought; you may come across with different idea. Nevertheless, living abroad truly makes your mind open and that is all the matter.